What is a Relationship Contract?
A relationship contract is essentially the same as a prenuptial or domestic partnership agreement. It is a contract between two or more parties who are living together or are in committed relationships. The main purpose of the relationship contract is to make decisions regarding property, finances, support and any other issues that arise while you are living together, before the issues arise.
Like a prenuptial or domestic partnership agreement, the relationship contract specifically addresses distribution of household items in the event that the couple separates . It can also include details regarding any financial support. It does not, however, include information on custody and visitation as those issues can be addressed in a parenting agreement. Because this agreement is just between two partners, it does not include details about the rest of your family. Even if you have children from previous relationships, they are not included in any of the issues addressed in the relationship contract.
Advantages of a Relationship Contract
One of the key advantages to having a relationship contract is the ability to foster improved communication and to have clarity about what your expectations are from each other. It gives you, your partner and your children a secure space for honesty, trust and boundary-setting. Everyone knows what it is they can expect from you and what you can expect from them. Having terms that are written down helps you avoid situations from becoming misunderstandings. It’s a very transparent way for you to express the things that upset you and to explain how you expect to be treated and respected, as well as to let your partner know how they should treat and respect you.
It’s a good idea to clarify these agreements and set out some ground rules so that you both feel secure enough to go into certain agreements and feel comfortable about those that you don’t like. Even a load of dirty dishes in the sink or the state of the living room floor can become an issue between you when you don’t express yourself and your grievances are left to fester.
What to Include in Your Relationship Contract
No matter what the outcome of the relationship, having a written relationship contract that clarifies each person’s agreements, obligations and rights is key. The following components of a relationship contract require some forethought about the relationship and about yourself. Both partners should work through the following topics together, even if one of you is creating the template. Some of the topics may be easier for you to address with the help of a certified mediator. Otherwise, at least strive to divide all the emotional labor evenly. Make an agreement on how you will both show your love and appreciation with kindness. A contract template can include the following, and more, items:
Boundaries
It’s important to clarify what is going to happen with your relationship when certain situations arise. This might be a good time to reiterate the boundaries that are important to you. Consider including a clause in your template relationship contract template that explicitly recognizes that the relationship does not require physical or emotional accountability. All actions take place under the jurisdiction of personal autonomy, which is to say that this is a self-regulated relationship, where everyone involved is responsible for their own actions and choices. This may just be a formality that needs so that you’re both clear about consent.
Financial Agreement
Money is one of the biggest sources of conflict in relationships. It can be tempting to take for granted the contributions you and your partner will each make. This might be a difficult topic to address without a facilitated mediation session, but it’s an important one to cover. There are three factors to go over when deciding how your finances will work, including: You also need to address how you will split finances based on percentage of contribution. For example, if one party to the relationship earns an income that is significantly larger than the financial contribution of the other, that can affect the standard of living that both parties enjoy. You will want to be clear about how to address inequities in your standard of living and how much you can reasonably expect your partner to contribute in relation to what you are putting into the relationship.
Conflict Resolution
If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times: never go to bed angry. Your relationship will get strained and you will argue. It is possible to have a loving relationship and admit when you’re angry with one another. It’s what you do after you recognize that something has gone wrong that will define whether your lives together can be successful. A healthy relationship is one in which disagreements are addressed. Your template contract should outline the method that you will use to resolve your conflicts. This should be put into writing and reviewed together on an annual basis. Consider including:
Find a relationship contract template that you can customize together and share it openly with your partners. This will help ensure that there aren’t any large surprises in your future.
Tips for Drafting a Relationship Contract
Creating a Relationship Contract
The steps for creating a relationship contract are as follows: A) Discuss with your partner the idea of entering into a relationship contract and determine if both parties would be interested in doing so. i) It is important that this conversation occurs when both partners are able to discuss the topic openly and freely and without concern for the reaction of the other. This requires that each partner feel safe to speak thoughts, feelings and concerns without fear of the other partner’s reaction. ii) Both partners need to understand why they are interested in entering into a relationship contract. B) Each partner should then create an outline of the terms they would like to address in the relationship contract. As with the initial discussion, both partners should be open to hearing what the other is proposing. C) A relationship contract is drafted by taking the terms outlined by each partner and negotiating and coming to a compromise over what the terms will be. D) It is important that both partners are comfortable with the terms of the relationship contract and that they agree to those terms and intend to abide by them. E) Both partners should date and sign the final draft of the relationship contract and make sufficient copies to ensure that both have a signed copy of the relationship contract. F) Although not legally enforceable, relationship contracts can be amended, voided or cancelled at any time by either partner.
Pitfalls to Avoid
When it comes to creating a relationship contract, there are some pitfalls that can result in more problems than it solves. One of the biggest common mistakes in this area is to not involve both parties as equal partners in creating the contract. When only one person defines the parameters of the relationship at the outset, this can leave the other feeling like they have no power to help direct the course of the relationship. This can cause resentment towards the person that drafted the contract, and can really lead to both parties feeling like they have been trapped into something that they may not have actually wanted or agreed to. It can prevent them from negotiating as equals.
Another issue that has been found when you try to set up a relationship contract with a list of rules and a penalty scheme, is that this is often unenforceable, and actually can further damage the relationship, rather than improve it. If there are rules that are set in the contract and one partner fails to abide by them, then what is the result? Are they not supposed to go to work because it is a Sunday, or they don’t help out with chores? Do they then get punished? When this happens, you can end up with a battle of punitive actions that can really result in a nasty and vicious fight with both parties at odds with each other . This can be a very unhealthy situation that can damage the relationship.
Essentially, you don’t want to set a contract that is based on rules, you want to create one that can be worked within the confines of an agreement. With a simple "no fighting" clause that acknowledges there will be disagreements, it’s easier to implement than saying certain subjects of disagreement are off-limits. Instead try to find a way to say that instead of arguing, you will discuss these subjects later.
Other issues have been found with the financial aspect of your relationship contract. Simply stating how much money someone brings into the relationship is not enough detail. You need to be clear about who pays what bills, and what to do if someone is late on making their payment on a shared expense. Be specific. The more specific and detailed you can be, the less likely there is going to be to scramble between partners about who owes what to whom.
Relationship Contract Samples
Assuming the reader is familiar with contract templates, there are certainly multiple places online that can be found. As an example, there are sites like Template Lab that provide several relationship contract samples, which can be easily customized as per your personal needs and desires. They offer several templates to choose from including a general cohabitation agreement, pre /postnuptial agreements, and a marriage contract template, including a same sex partnership agreement.
Another site that is helpful is Template.net, which offers several relationship contract templates for individuals entering into a marriage or a partnership. Again, we encourage customization. Template.net offers sample agreements for pre-nuptial behaviors, marriage, cohabitation and domestic partnership. They also provide examples of a postnup agreement. The sample agreements provided there do not specify what state the laws may be applicable to, so we recommend that you verify with your state by finding specific legal regulations applicable to your relationship. In any event, there are clearly several platforms available where you can locate a contract template that suits your relationship and lifestyle. Do your research and then customize to your needs.
Your Legal Rights
Legal considerations for the parties to a relationship contract are generally limited. However, a relationship contract (also known as a cohabitation contract or cohabitation agreement) can be made pursuant to a written or oral contract between the parties. That means that there is another layer of complexity when one or other of the parties to a relationship contract claims that there was no legal contract because the parties did not intend to enter into a legal contract.
The first type of relationship contract is to be distinguished from a document that is essentially a wish list of obligations of the parties to perform (called a Declaration of Committed Relationship in Alberta, but also known by many other names) and which is not intended to possess legal effect. The second type of relationship contract is the Declaration of Committed Relationship.
According to the case of Bright v. Deller, [1916] 1 OR 341, "no matter what the kind of contract is which is admitted to exist, the claimant must prove, as an element in his proof of contract, that the parties intended the contract to possess legal effect, as distinguished from mere express declarations of intention on the part of one or more of them not intended to be binding".
If a relationship contract provided that, upon separation, all property acquired by the parties would be divided between them equally, no consideration could be given to the legal title of property if the relationship contract indicated that was not the intent of the parties. In other words, the presumption of equalization of net family property under the Family Law Act could be rebutted by evidence of intention to the contrary. In short, declarations about the parties’ intentions in a relationship contract can be given significant weight.
Instead of referring to a declared intent, a relationship contract helps to establish the intent of the parties in that the parties signed the document to state their intentions; the parties made their declarations before witnesses or a Commissioner of Oaths; the parties expressly agreed to the conditions in the relationship contract and agreed that those conditions should have legal effect; and the parties chose the language of the contract, including references to legal concepts (such as "equal division of net family property"). The fact that the parties can explicitly set out the legal consequences of their decisions also obviates some degree of uncertainty that enters into the domestic contracts arena.
Of course, just because a relationship contract is intended to have legal effect does not mean that its terms will be legally enforceable. Certain limitations apply to the enforceability of provisions in a relationship contract. What those limitations may be depends on a number of circumstances, including the type of agreement under which the parties intend to create their relationship.
A court may set aside the provisions in a relationship contract on the basis of coercion, undue influence, misrepresentation, unconscionability, public policy and fraud, among other reasons. In addition, the statutory requirements of the Family Law Act must be met.
In conclusion, it is incumbent upon the parties intent on creating a relationship contract not only to ensure that the statutory requirements have been complied with, but also to consider whether particular provisions in their relationship contract will be legally enforcable.
Renewing and Updating Your Contract
Once you have put a relationship contract in place, it is not enough to just assume that it will always be sufficient to govern your relationship. If it has not been set to expire or be renewed by its own terms, it is wise to review it periodically (e.g., every few years) to make sure it continues to be relevant as your relationship evolves, or even before doing planned renovations or other major projects. If updates or renegotiations are required, in most cases you can draft an entirely new agreement or execute a termination of the old one and a new one in its place . It is probably a good idea, however, to document the reasons for either updating or terminating the original agreement, so that you have a record to support the steps you have taken in case someone later claims were doing so was not in your best interests.
If or when the relationship comes to an end, whether because of a parting of the ways or one spouse’s death, certain segments of your relationship contract will invariably be superseded at that time by applicable state domestic relations law, including laws touching on divorce, equitable distribution, alimony, and child support, along with all applicable tax rules for filing a joint or separate return or filing status and tax credits for dependents.